To whom it may concern:
A query has been submitted to the organisers of TODAY’S musical concert event entitled “Musical Banditry” (commencing 5.15pm in the Performance Lab inside G2, Engineering Building):
“Dear organisers, I am concerned that — given the contemporary state of affairs with regards to intellectual property, not to mention a prevalence of litigation in our climate — were I to attend your event that I thereby make myself an accessory to your said crime of banditry and all around seditiousness. I would like to attend, but I would also like to avoid implicating myself in your crime, and thereby forgo unnecessary and tedious interrogations and cross-examinations. Would you be able to provide an official decree assuring immunity to myself — and other similarly concerned citizens — of the impropriety that you intend to exhibit at your event on Monday 21st December 2015, 5.15pm in the Performance Lab inside G2, Engineering Building? (I understand this is almost, but not quite, exactly unlike, requesting to be an innocent spectator at a bank robbery.)
Thank you for your most relevant query. After pro bono legal consultation from the School of Law at QMUL, we are pleased to inform you of blanket immunity for all attendees of our event from any trespasses of intellectual property to which you may be privy on this occasion. In the unfortunate event of an unnecessary and tedious interrogation and cross-examination, please be assured that we don’t know each other, nothing happened that evening, and you thought Queen Mary was a ship in Her Majesty’s royal fleet.